Sadly, many of us are unaware that we are playing a default role of “victim” every time we are under pressure, feeling stressed, going through a challenging time, or just living our lives unconsciously. This comes from our early years when were were programmed according to the lens of perception we were initiated into. For example, most victims as children had a parent who would bully them, while the other parent would recue them. This taught them to play the role of victim. And they got really good at it and grew up to play it completely unconsciously.

As we grow up, we continue to play this role, despite moving on from the family dynamics. It’s not until we become conscious that we decide it is no longer for our highest benefit. It’s important to become aware of the drama cycle and all the roles that make it work. There are three players in the the drama cycle; the victim, the rescuer, and the bully.

The victim needs a rescuer and will seek one out. A rescuer feels better when they are rescuing a victim. This is a perfect symbiotic relationship that, when we are honest with ourselves, feels like crap (pardon my French). It feels awful being a victim just as it feels awful being a rescuer. The victim can feel justified when they have a rescuer to confirm their feelings of self-pity. The rescuer feels guilty if they don’t have someone they can “save”. Hence, the drama cycle continues…

As you can see below, a typical drama cycle also involves a bully. The bully is someone who was hurt when they were young and so, to avoid ever having to feel that hurt again, they keep everyone at arms distance. Hurt people hurt people. The bully comes across as cold and cruel but it’s really just a coping mechanism to never have to feel again.

I would highly recommend you stick the drama cycle chart somewhere to remind you each day that you are consciously going to stop playing the old default role of victim. This is not working for you and only keeping you stuck in the same energy, creating the same circumstances round and round. Become really good at catching yourself playing the role of victim…. watch yourself and stop yourself from using thoughts, words and actions that are related to…

  • Blaming
  • Procrastinating (or distracting yourself with too many activities)
  • Reacting
  • “Putting up with”
  • “Having” to do something
  • Feeling you have no choice
  • Feeling powerless
  • Reacting to other’s emotions
  • Making excuses
  • Being fatalistic
  • Following others
  • Repeating disempowering stories and memories
  • Recalling events and relationships
  • Self-pity

Instead, recognise that you are creating with every thought and word you think and speak. Like attracts like. 


Brainstorm your desires for the next chapter of your life. You take charge here. Turn your victim role into a creator role. Write down as if you could have whatever you wanted and there was no failure to receive it. As you write, ensure that each thing you write MAKES YOU SMILE. This is key. The smiling that you do each day will directly attract into your life the joy you are seeking. It is the feeling of smiling that will create inner joy and bring in a new life. If what you are thinking and talking about does not make you smile – you must STOP it. Become good at stopping yourself and only entertaining ideas that make you smile. You are planting a seed here with your thoughts and smile. 

These two practices are the first steps to moving out of victimhood and into an empowered life where you take full responsibility and create what you do want, and not what you don’t want. 

And finally, spend a few minutes a day consciously being STILL. Moving from your head down to your heart where you can spend some moments in love, appreciation, compassion and gratitude. Think of those things in your life that you appreciate. This will train you out of your head and into your heart. The heart is where wisdom, intuition, intelligence and guidance come from. You cannot get this from constantly doing things to distract you. You must spend time in stillness each day. Start with breathing slowly and deeply and then put your hands on your heart and think of something you are grateful for. Then spend a few moments basking in that memory, feeling the warmth spread through you. This warmth, like your smile, is the key to bringing in better circumstances in your life. Remember, you have to change YOU before you change your outer world. It won’t work the other way around. 

Decide today that you are going to be the driver of your life. Take full responsibility and go create something beautiful. I believe you can do it. Believe it too! Victim no more, creator instead. Feel the rising feelings of empowerment supersede those old feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. You got this!

Book a session with me today if you are struggling with these issues in your life.

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