I’m an NLP coach. I’m a therapist, counsellor, and life coach. Besides my professional titles, I’m someone who’s always been deeply curious—ever since I was a little girl. My greatest interest lies in learning how to open my heart and return to a more natural, heart-based way of living.
It was quite terrifying to start my YouTube channel and be truly vulnerable about certain aspects of my life. I remember my first video; I was so anxious that night, afraid of being judged and having my deepest insecurities confirmed—that I’m not good enough and not worthy. Maybe you relate to that too.
Embracing Vulnerability and Finding Balance
The Imbalance of Masculine and Feminine Energy
I’ve long struggled with balancing the masculine and feminine energies in my life. Growing up, I felt a strong need to be in control because any alternative felt extremely uncomfortable. Throughout my life, I’ve developed coping mechanisms to maintain this illusion of control. One of the most destructive was my 20-year battle with bulimia.
Ironically, my coping mechanisms ended up controlling me, which often happens with many forms of addiction. I’m grateful that I found the courage to face my blind spots and fears. Admitting that I had problems and that some things needed to change was the first step, akin to the twelve-step model.
Overcoming Addictions: A Journey to Self-Awareness
I gradually managed to overcome various addictions—bulimia, drinking, drugs, and codependent relationships. These addictions were all ways to deal with my intense need to be in control, which was exhaustingly unsustainable. Relationships, in particular, were the toughest to navigate because they reflected my internal struggles.
The Qualities of Masculine and Feminine Energies
Masculine Energy: Achieving and Controlling
The masculine energy in my life was characterized by a lot of producing, achieving, and controlling. This energy is outward-focused, aimed at creating results and giving.
There are both toxic and healthy aspects of masculine energy. Unfortunately, my focus was largely on the toxic side—trying to control everything. What I really lacked was the ability to embrace feminine qualities, particularly the ability to receive.
Feminine Energy: Receiving and Nurturing
Accepting help and being vulnerable enough to collaborate were huge challenges. My life was consumed by focusing on my diet, weight, exercise, and incessant work. I was perpetually exhausted, never resting.
There’s a concept called the law of rhythm, one of the seven hermetic principles, which beautifully sums up my experience.
“Everything flows out and in. Everything has its tides; all things rise and fall. The pendulum swing manifests in everything, and the measure of the swing to the right is the measure of the swing to the left. Rhythm compensates.”
This principle exactly mirrors my life. Throughout my teens, twenties, and thirties, I was overwhelmingly swayed towards masculine, control-oriented energy.
The Consequences of Imbalance
Living in extremes, I often found myself getting excessively drunk and out of control, significantly affecting my relationships. This behavior made me lose many important connections. Similarly, my clients often exhibit equal and opposite reactions in response to extreme control, reflecting an underlying imbalance.
My rock bottom was a deep exhaustion, a realization that I was in pain and lacked trustworthy relationships. Life mirrored my inner turmoil, pushing me to confront my issues.
Recognizing and Addressing Imbalance
Life as a Mirror
Understanding that life is a mirror allowed me to see that my relationships were a direct reflection of my relationship with myself, which was practically non-existent at the time. Repressing feelings and staying distracted were common ways I avoided confronting my fears. Facing my emotions, though painful, was crucial for healing.
The Art of Contemplation
Contemplation became a key tool in overcoming addiction and control. It helps surrender the need for control and fosters patience. Slowing down to listen to my feelings and real needs was fundamental in developing a healthier relationship with myself.
Gene Keys and Self-Awareness
The Gene Keys, a tool developed by Richard Rudd, provided significant insights into my life patterns and assisted me in the art of contemplation. I encourage you to explore the Gene Keys if you’re interested. Understanding these patterns and fostering self-awareness are essential for sustainable inner change.
Integrating Feminine Energy
Compassion and Receiving Love
Bringing balance into your life requires integrating feminine energy, primarily compassion and the ability to receive. This could mean opening your heart, nurturing yourself, and giving out of love rather than seeking results.
The yin-yang symbol illustrates this balance well. Yin represents the feminine aspects—darkness, rest, and reflection—while yang denotes the masculine—light, activity, and creativity. A balance between these two energies is essential for a harmonious life.
Correspondence and Reflection
The law of correspondence—”as within, so without”—suggests that our internal state is mirrored in our external world. Observing my relationships highlighted my imbalance. Earlier, I was often drawn to controlling partners or friendships, reflecting my inner turmoil and control issues.
My marriage provided a turning point. My husband offered a safe space to nurture my feminine side. His consistent giving allowed me to learn the art of receiving and balance my energy.
Overcoming Guilt and Embracing Time
At first, receiving love and support was uncomfortable. I felt guilt and resistance, stemming from childhood conditioning that equated hard work with love and worthiness. Overcoming this pattern required effort but was essential for moving away from a relentless cycle of suffering.
Maintaining Balance: Practical Steps
Pausing and Breathing
Incorporating pauses throughout your day is crucial. These moments of rest allow you to check in with yourself and can be integrated into various points in your day, like waking up, before meals, or at red lights.
Surrendering Control
Letting go of worries and the need to control everything helps shift your focus from incessant thinking to tapping into your heart’s wisdom. Remember, our mind is a closed circuit system, with 95% of thoughts being repetitive from the previous day.
Creating a Balance
Balancing masculine and feminine energy involves both productivity and rest. Regular pauses help avoid burnout and create a steadiness in life. It’s important to listen to your internal guidance system, which often communicates through feelings.
“You have to be able to let go, pause, and breathe several times a day.”
Learning to pause and create steadiness also enhances emotional regulation, reduces exhaustion, and fosters deeper connections with others.
Conclusion: Steps to Start Balancing
To begin balancing your masculine and feminine energies:
- Pause and Breathe: Check in with yourself three times a day.
- Surrender Your Worries: Let go of trying to think your way out of everything.
- Be Present: Focus on your breath and allow yourself to become mindful.
Incorporating these habits will be uncomfortable at first, but persistence will rewire your brain. Practicing these steps helps access your heart’s guidance, creating a healthier balance in your life.
I hope this has been helpful. Have a beautiful day, and we’ll see you in the next post.
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